I was arrested for…

I am huge into texting (and every other technology, truthfully) and I got a good text tonight that has given me countless minutes of laughter and thought.

The text said…You saw me in a police car. What would you think I got arrested for?

The idea is that you answer it for the person that sent it to you and then you forward it to everyone you know to see how many crimes you are accused of.

I sent it on and before I started receiving answers, I asked my family what their responses would be. It has amazed me the kind of crimes people have come up with!

Daughter (7 years old)…speeding. Yes, yes, my dear readers. I am that person. I speed constantly. Bad habit, I know. After coming up with that one, she also had another answer…”not turning on your lights at dark time and then running into cars and then going off a bridge.” I quickly informed her that I wanted to know why I was in the cop car, not how I was going to die!

Husband…perceived child abuse. Now don’t start jumping to conclusions on me. He said perceived. I have this habit of lightly smacking my son on the back of his head when he’s not listening to me. Dear Hubby thinks that if I were to do that in public someone could perceive that as child abuse.

Son (8 years old)…drinking. Interesting answer since I don’t drink! It was the only answer he could think of for why someone would be in a cop car!!!

Husband’s friend from work…public nudity. What can I say? He’s a 20-something guy and obviously that is all he thinks about. Even though that would be the last thing I would be in for.

Best friend, Lady K…burying the evil neighbor in the back yard and letting stray dogs live in his house ;). That one was funnier than the rest because I tout a huge hatred of dogs (despite the fact that I have two as pets!). My response to her…like I would be nice to stray dogs?

Cousin…disorderly conduct for yelling at someone. Oh holy hell! If you really knew me, you would know how true that could be!!!

Friend of mine...reckless driving! How right he is, how right he is! But wait...doesn't that mean that I drive without getting in a wreck? It does right?

My answer for myself…anything to do with horrible driving! Texting while driving, speeding, rear ending someone while talking on my cell phone, running a red light, reckless driving…any number of things to do with a car. I suck at driving people. Completely suck!

How stupid is it that one ridiculous text has given me so much entertainment?

Warning: Take heed of directions before lighting!

If the firework says “read additional instructions on launch tube”, it is quite likely that you should not haphazardly light said firework in close vicinity to your children, your spouse and your van. 

However, if you do happen to light said firework around said objects and people, please be ready to run like hell when said firework starts to shoot actual fire. 

 

But if you are the person sitting inside the safety of the van, be sure to relentlessly tease, taunt and torture the moron who lit the firework found at THE DUMP in the first place about the terrified look on his face when said firework ended up being one that should have been launched into the sky and not one lit on the ground because said firework was in THE DUMP for a reason, as witnessed by the fact that the fuse was a dud and therefore had to be lit right close tot he explosion point. 

And that, folks, is our 4th of July lesson for today. 

Please be careful with those fireworks.  :)

No one was hurt in the acts of stupidity above.  It was actually quite funny and we all got one hell of a laugh out of the ordeal. 

Friday Rants and Raves…

It’s Friday.  The Friday before a busy whirlwind weekend of work and play.  The Friday before I go back to being the mother of two instead of four.  *sigh*

I only have two words for you now…Thank Goodness.

The last four weeks have been filled with reminder upon reminder as to why I stopped at two children instead of continuing on to have a big family.  Two kids…one for each parent, one for each hand, one for each side of my overused and underpaid brain.  That is enough for me.  I was not and am not cut out to be the parent of more than my two little devils angels.

Of this, I am absolutely certain.  NO MORE CHILDREN IN MY FUTURE!!

And to clear my head and get my readers up to date on the life that disappeared over the past few months, here is my rundown of Friday Rants and Raves. 

RANT…Mother Nature has decided to go from blessing us with blizzard upon blizzard to bestowing upon us the gift of immense heat.  Boob sweat is not pretty, folks.  Not pretty at all. 

RAVE…we have a fun filled Sunday planned (if Mother Nature decides to cooperate with the weather) of climbing in a maze of rocks and stomping through a creek.  It should be a blast with all of the people that are cited to join us.  And there will be cupcakes.  Everyone knows that cupcakes are a reason to rave, right? 

RANT…my basement remodel project has taken exceptionally longer than it was supposed to.  Well meaning offers of help have not materialized into actual labor and although I understand the immense busy-ness of everyone’s lives, I am about ready to tear my hair out and announce that we are just moving as it would be easier (and faster) to complete.

RAVE…I board a plane bound for Germany in 26 days!!!  Does this need any more explanation?

RANT…I board a plane bound for Germany in 26 days!!!  Only 26!!!  How the hello will I get everything done and everything packed in that short amount of time!!!

RANT…The A/C just blew a breaker.  *sigh*

RAVE…I fixed it myself---without calling or texting the hubby!!!

RANT…I thought a household of four had mountains of laundry to high to scale but a household of six has turned those mountains into the Himalayas of Laundry!  I could do six loads a day and still not dent the piles of clothes.

RAVE…getting back into the swing of blogging seems to be easier than I thought since this post just came together beneath my fingertips.  Will I be back tomorrow?  Any one want to lay odds on that?  Yeah.  I wouldn’t either.  :)

Enjoy your weekend, readers!

On and on and on...about nothing.

I know. It's been a while. I can't really explain my absence except for to say that I just wasn't into it. Blogging, I mean. I just wasn't into blogging. A lot has been happening and instead of coming on here and bitching and moaning about the bad luck in my life, I just quit blogging all together. I haven't even read blogs. I have juist been out of touch completely in the Blogoshpere and, well, I'm not really sorry about it, I guess.

But I suppose I am back. Sitting at the library on thier public computer when I have a perfectly great laptop of my own at home. Using the keys that have been touched by every Tom, Dick and Henrietta in this town, just knowing that I will be getting some sort of virus from this experience. And why? Well, because my kids are in Story Hour and I didn't feel like sitting around reading a book at the moment. Although, I will have to such in just a few short minutes because there is a time limit on public computers, ya know. Half an hour. No longer unless they aren't busy. Then I can have an hour but that is the maximum per day. One hour.

Do you know that I would just about die with only one hour of internet or computer time a day? I really would. I have filled my days since my hours changed by using the internet and my laptop to watch "Brothers and Sisters". I am up to season 3 and am almost done with that. What a great show. I keep wishing that my family were like that. Way too much drama but the complete honesty and constant family dinners would be wonderful. :)

So, I am completely rambling on about nothing at all. I have nothing to say really. Just wanted to get back on and write a post since I have not been here in goodness knows how long. I am hoping to get back into the swing of this blogging thing. It has been great therapy in the past and although I don't necessarily need therapy right now, I could use an outlet once in a while.

Stepping forward while walking backwards…

I feel like I was lucky.

When I was growing up, I dealt with my fair share and more of hard stuff.  But not once do I remember attending a funeral.  Death was not a part of my equation in a memorable sense.  Both of my maternal grandparents died as well as my paternal grandmother either right before I was born or shortly after and therefore it wasn’t a huge heartache for me.  From then on death didn’t really exist.  Either my mom sheltered me from the funerals or else no one close enough to me died.

My kids haven’t been that lucky. 

The death of the three year old from our town that died of cancer recently has been weighing heavy on the mind of little Teensy.  On our trip to the cemetery for Mother’s Day, we discovered that his grave happens to be right below Geri and since I had previously explained that he was up in heaven talking to her now, this was a great coincidence.  Teensy has now proclaimed many times that he and grandma are “neighbors”.  But even with the assurance that her grandma is taking care of the little boy, she is still really saddened that he was taken away.  She signed the sympathy card and then proceeded to make her own.  Such a tender heated little soul. 

This week marks the one year anniversary since the death of Geri, their much beloved grandma.  Bubba has started to make progress in his counseling and Teensy just finished a full memory book in her counseling sessions.  We have been doing okay, this family of mine.  We have found ourselves a bit more comfortable with this new normal. 

Two steps forward and ten steps back.  Isn’t that how the saying goes?

Last night there was a really bad car accident a few miles from our house.  It consisted of one vehicle filled with a man and four children.  I don’t have all the details but what I know is that they went over a bridge and the vehicle became engulfed in flames.  The driver and a second grade boy died, two more children are in serious condition right now and one is in critical condition.  It was the worst trauma that the nurses at the hospital have seen in quite some time. 

The boy lived in our neighborhood.  He spent time at my house and played with my kids.  I had spoken with his mother on occasion and saw him at the school almost every day.  Although he was no longer a friend to my son due to a stupid childhood falling out, it is still a place that is too close for comfort.  Once again, reality has rocked the fairy tale world that my kids should live in. 

I have yet to see the effects of this on my children.  We have told them the new but they haven’t processed everything enough to give us a reaction.  That will come later.  In a few hours.  For now, we are in denial that grim reaper has claimed another innocent being.

And that is where we will stay for that is the only way to make it through.

Any other week of the year…but not this one.  Our wounds are already freshly torn open from the planning of a luncheon and memorial tree planting, so we could use a break from the extra despair for now. 

Please.